Moleman's Epic Rap Battles 14: Avatar Aang Vs Ben Tennyson
by MolemanNineThousand
Summary: The matchup should speak for itself: who is the superior cartoon hero of the 2000s decade? Featuring many twists, turns and surprise appearances! See the video here: /watch?v wdOwT4k7JfM


**VIDEO HERE: watch?v=wdOwT4k7JfM**

**––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––**

**MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!**

**AVATAR AANG…**

**…VS…**

**…BEN TENNYSON!**

**BEGIN!**

**Aang:**

I've come fully dressed; even studied for a math test,

To ensure my victory's security without contest!

Defeating you will be more trivial than the Great Divide.

Keep your alien–whatevers; the _elements_ are on my side,

And I've been trained in all four, mastering every one.

You're a Ben of all trades, but a master of none;

Mario trumps you hands–down when it comes to Plumbers,

And Phineas and Ferb had a more eventful Summer…

…Well, actually, so did I, but that's not what I really meant…

…Hm, I'll just put it this way: You can go get _bent_!

I'm _nature incarnate_; you're in way over your head.

Even if you somehow killed me, I still wouldn't stay dead;

Haven't you heard? I've got reincarnation benefits.

I'm immortal as your Davy Jones–lookalike nemesis,

And all I've said up to this point was just the calm before the storm,

But now I'll hit you with the full force of a whole Alien Swarm!

Ha, your "Race Against Time" was a joke next to mine;

I saved a credible world, stopped long–term war crimes!

You ride your granddad's RV; I own a giant flying bison!

I'm an honest work of art; you're built around merchandising.

I'll leave you permanently stuck in the form of the Worst.

You pride yourself on a premise that someone else did first!

That's right: you're just as much of a copy as Albedo.

Four words, Tennyson: _Dial H for Hero_.

**Ben:**

I see you've taken several levels in badass, Cailou,

But no Upgrade will Grey Matter when I go Heatblast and fry you!

Your head is full of air; I've got a head of solid of diamond;

I'll make a bigger joke of you than the folks at Ember Island

When I butcher you like phrases by your long-lost brother Omi;

Steal all your fans away except the rabid fools like Foamy,

Sink you down more deeply than the H.M.S. Zutara,

And beat you so bad, that if it doesn't break your samsara,

It'll still take you your next ten reincarnations

Just to rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!

I'm the Protector of Earth, with the Ghostfreaking Omnitrix.

Your best gadget is a giant paper fan inside a stick,

Which you should use right now to go Stinkfly away and hide,

Like you did, or rather, _tried_, during your people's genocide!

You nomad, bro? Come on; there's no need to hate

Just because I'll beat you ten times faster than XLR8,

And more effortlessly than your Xbox game achievements!

Think you'll best my all heroes with your puny elements?

Well, newsflash: not only is ten greater than four,

But it's also an _understatement_; I've got _dozens_ more!

I'll Armodrillo right through you like the walls of Ba Sing Se;

Steal your face, name and title when I take your DNA,

So call me Koh… or better yet, James Cameron.

Either way, I'll twist your ass worse than M. Night Shyamalan

When I tear those tattoos of yours clean off your body,

Then grab myself a _real_ arrow, and shove it in your knee!

**Aang:**

Just had some fireside chat with Avatar Roku; he says:

**Avatar Roku:** Ditch this brat and fight someone worthy, like Kid Goku!

**Aang:** Threatening me with fire? Now, that's simply no use!

I quench flames so hard, you'd swear I bended cactus juice.

Send in Ozai, Sozin and even Ragnaros,

'Cause I'll turn any Fire Lord you throw at me into a ghost,

Like my pal Danny Phantom, who could also beat you with ease.

You may think you're Way Big, but you're just Saturday morning cheese!

I'm utterly unrelenting when I'm Energybending.

Your "ultimate form" stands still while you're busy dissenting

With two giant faces, but even they would have to agree:

I'm on par with Bionicle; you're more like Hero Factory!

**Ben:**

Then, everything changed when I attacked back,

'Cause I'm a real Man of Action with the powers you lack,

Like staying power; stamina to rap a whole decathlon.

I'm on my fourth freaking series, and still going strong!

I've sold more toys than any teenage boy since Ash Ketchum,

So bring your whole gaang along; I'll decimate 'em, and then some!

_(At this point, Ben abruptly changes to his more cartoonish appearance from the "Omniverse" series)_

Four Arms will sock Sokka so hard, he'll go flying up into space,

Reunite with his girlfriend, and leave a crater in her face,

While Humungousaur stomps Momo out like _Bambi Meets Godzilla_

And Big Chill freezes _your_ girl just like she did to Azula,

Before I smack the hope out of her – no, not you, Charmcaster;

Traumatically beating her to the sound of SpongeBob's laughter.

And as for that blind chick, I'll crush her fair and square…

_*Unintelligible gibbering as Wildmutt*_

**Gwen Tennyson:** When Wildmutt mauls her like a platypus bear!

**Aang:**

Dude, what the hell just happened to your design?!

I never even mocked your old one; you looked just fine!

And on your threatening my posse, well, you're doing it wrong,

'Cause you forgot the one homeboy that I _did_ bring along:

**Zuko:**

I don't need luck, nor do I need to shoot lightning

To beat you to your lowest point and leave _no_ silver lining.

Make you more butthurt than that guy with the cabbages;

Burn you so bad, leave you covered in bandages.

Say "uncle", and you'll still end up looking like Snare–oh,

'Cause that'll be my cue to gang up on you with Iroh!

And once you're stripped of every single shred of honor,

I'll let you rot in jail; make you cellmates with my father.

But seriously, me and you? There's no discussion!

You're a common delinquent who's way too close with his cousin,

And shares his voice with multiple princesses,

None of whom could hope to match my crazy sister bitch!

I'm the fangirls' first choice when it comes to bad boys,

So eat your heart out, Loki; you too, Draco Malfoy!

Not since Dickens has there been a greater tale of redemption,

And if you value your life, you won't dare even mention…

**Kevin:**

'Sup, bitches? They call me Kevin 11,

And I'm about to send you to the opposite of Heaven,

'Cause I've got a– _*Wilhelm Scream, is engulfed in flames*_

**Zuko:**

…_That_ miserable, punk–ass, sociopath cheater,

The least plausible so–called reformation since Vegeta!

**Aang:**

Thank you; you may now f**k Katara for one day.

Now, then, Ben, as I'd been meaning to say:

On the reason you suck, you yourself pretty much said it:

You're a self–indulgent sellout, who doesn't know when to quit!

I can tell a coherent story with a beginning, middle and end.

You've made up more filler than _Lost_'s writers could defend,

With your ridiculous surplus of cheap new aliens,

And giving everyone unneeded half–human origins,

With TV movies, retcons, crossovers and spin–offs galore;

You were likable at first, maybe, but not anymore!

And just who the hell is Rook Blonko? What is this crap?!

Live–action fi… okay, bad example, but still; I'm not even rapping anymore.

_(*Beat stops*)_

Simply put, **YOU. ARE. NOT. THAT. GREAT!** Your show is_standard–fare children's entertainment_, not the next _Star Trek_; you don't deserve a _franchise_! Well, I'm putting a stop to it right here, and right now.

_(Starts rising into the air, eyes and body glow, voice becomes "demonic")_

**BEN TENNYSON, YOU ARE OVERRATED AND FULL OF YOURSELF, AND NOW, YOU SHALL PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE! I AM THE MOTHERF**KING AVAT–**

_(Ben, as Feedback, strikes Aang down with a blast of electricity; he plummets lifelessly, and and inexplicably explodes upon hitting the ground)_

**Ben:** DIE, you crazy son of a bitch!

Goodbye, and Good Riddance!

…..

…..

…..

…..

**MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!**

**Ben:** Hey, you forgot to do the "Who Won?" thi–

**BEN TENNYSON…**

**Ben:** Wait, what?

**…VS…**

**Ben:** What's going on?!

**…AVATAR KORRA!**

**Ben:** …What, who?

**BEGIN!**

**Ben:** …Um…I have literally no idea what to say right now.

I don't even know who this chick is.

…So, yeah, I've got nothing.

…Shit.

**Korra:**

I told you I was immortal, Benny,

And unlike Ra's al Ghul, I meant it _literally_,

Because I'm back in the flesh, albeit in a girl's body,

And I'm avenging myself; call me Takeo Masaki!

You're all burned out, but I'm still fresh and juicy,

So get ready for _pain_, 'cause this is gonna be a doozy:

They call me Korra, and I've got money in the bank;

Spitting purer platinum than an Equalist tank.

This ain't no tan; I'm proud to be all–naturally brown,

And even when I'm de–bended, no one can keep me down!

I'm more ballin' than Bolin; I'm fire on this mic,

Mastering the elements back since I was just a tyke!

You're so weak, that even if you hadn't just choked,

I'm sure your disses would be lamer than Amon's stand–up jokes!

**Ben:** Okay, I got one, I got one. Oh yeah? Well, I still have a couple other trix up my sleeve.

You struggle just to be the leaf; I can be _anything_ I please!

**Korra:** Not when I make your powers cease to exist,

Not by severing your chi paths, but by severing your wrist!

Then I'll see your ass locked up deep down in Boiling Rock,

And have them take you there on the same boat with Tarrlok!_(*Explosion sound*)_

I'm not the one wrecking you; you're wrecking yourself,

'Cause messing with me is _known_ to be hazardous to health!

This is starting to drag on like your show, so I'd better split,

But just remember: _I'm the Avatar. You gotta deal with it!_

**WHO WON?**

**WHO'S NEXT?**

**I DECIDE!**

**MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!**


End file.
